28 DOSL- Allie 2023

I am returning

“Time isn’t linear, and neither are we.

Last year, I was embracing my authentic self for the first time in years. A celebration of growth and acceptance, and a whole lot of personal shimmer. I fully accept that highs and lows will always ebb and flow, especially when so many experiences have shaped who I am on my journey. This past year I returned to grief. The major player throughout it all, always hiding in every shadow.

I’m sixteen years old again, telling everyone that I’m strong enough, outgoing enough, and bubbly enough to handle the unexpected death of my mom. I’m the oldest of three, and I have to do what I can to fix this shitty hand of cards for us all. If I could, I’d go back in time to this moment. I’d tell her it’s not her responsibility. I’d tell her that Mom’s not really gone. I’d tell her it’s going to be okay. Not because of anyone else, but because this girl is divine feminine magic. I’d believe her, because she’s me.

I am returning to that magical girl. The fearless one, with hopes and dreams for days, singing a loud song or sharing her smile. She’s hardwired with strength and resilience. She’s untouched by shame, guilt, and betrayal.

I am returning once more, to all I have been: then, now, and before. I am returning to love. I am returning to Source. I am returning to me.” - Allie

© All images copyright of Shelah Riley